April 24, 2008

Just say "No"

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:36 am by RJ

I am always amidst funny incidents. The other day at the train station a beggar (if I can call so) or an extensively money deprived man walked up to me and my friends and said, “Guys, I have to get till Linden. I have 5 dollars and need 2 bucks.” Ahem – I am new to this country, I don’t know how they treat such people here, should I say no, run away from there, smile at him or stay put-a thought that suddenly irrupted into the conscious mind.

I chose to play safe and just nodded my head in an disapproving fashion(READ: Indian fashion), Shai turned his face, so did the other guys standing along. He vociferated, “Guys, just say no! Don’t turn your heads the other way”. At that moment I felt I should have given him the 2 bucks!! A white man (No – this is not a racist term here, a white man is called “a white man”) smiled at me and said, “Did you see that beggar with a f***ing attitude? You ask money and you showing such huge starry attitude”. Phew! I felt a bit relieved! I took the train back home and was thinking to myself, the beggar made a point. If I had no interest of giving him 2 bucks I shouldn’t have ignored his question, rather I should have said, No!

I also think its probably more to the Indians, we take it so personally when we have to say no. It’s not that we lack assertiveness, we just feel its necessary to meet everybody’s expectations. When asked one of my friends, he said, “I feel guilty when I say no” – trust me one of the smart workers at work.

Saying no at work, to your boss, to your relatives, to your parents, to relationships-both which work and don’t work, sometimes to beggars should not be difficult. Also with saying no comes the fact of accepting “no” as an answer.

Say no without feeling guilty, say no with confidence.


  1. Neetu said,

    We usually are scared of saying “NO” coz somewhere we are scared of paying the cost of it. It takes more courage to say NO than accepting things and fullfilling them. As a person even I cant say No easily. But a valid and so true and usually avoided point is highlighted.

  2. kurt said,


    I love this word…
    Used it a lot during my last days in my previous organization… šŸ˜€

    We Indians cant say No easily, its mainly due to the place frm where we hail, we have a history of being
    Good Hosts & we do whatever was asked to by our guests.
    But we really should learn to say NO & saying NO is no Cake-Walk u need guts & authority to say NO. (tht’s wht i feel)


    P.S.: Its a powerful word. If not used properly could lead to heart-break, trauma, etc….

  3. RJ said,

    I understand we need guts to say no, what I am not sure about is the authority part of it. I believe one and all is or should be entitled to say “No”.

    About the heart-break stuff – I haven’t experienced it yet to speak to it!!

  4. Sakhi said,

    It is better to say ‘no’ once and be done with then saying half hearted ‘yes’ and then keep cursing over and over again.

    but yes, sometimes it is not soooooo easy to say no!

  5. RJ said,

    @Saks – I have learnt to say “No” in the sweetest way, not being rude to anyone.

    At the same time, people tell me no all the times! Hehe, some feel I have random thoughts! Weird!

  6. Sakhi said,

    Most of the people who say ‘no’ to you are girl, I suppose! šŸ˜‰

    Thik hai, thik hai, mujhe marne ki mat sochna… was just thinking aloud.

  7. RJ said,

    @Saks – Yea your loud thoughts are right! It’s girl who keep saying “No” all the times. Have you heard of the FOSLA Club?

    FOSLA – Failed One Sided Lovers Association šŸ˜€ šŸ˜›

    I am the chairman of that group šŸ™‚

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