June 7, 2008

Parents day, everyday!

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:26 pm by RJ

A new message arrived. My gmail inbox subject line reads “Looking for great father’s day gift ideas? 40% on father’s day hampers and free shipping to India.” This is from one of those send-gifts-to-India portals. I start thinking what would be nice for my dad and it reminded me of mother’s day which was about 4 weeks back.

Sunday, May 11, whoaa! I got up early to call up mom! She was super excited to hear my voice and as I finished hearing her stories in her mellifluous voice – I was super charged! And it’s known that in our family of 4, my mother and me suffer from logorrhea – atleast that’s what my dad and bro feel!

Excited I was, planned to treat myself some chocolate kiwi walnut fudge from Joann’s Patiserrie
& cookies. As I drove past main street, I saw about 20 old people standing with some hoardings which I didn’t read then and looked around to see what was happening. Everybody around were calm, doing their work in the regular fashion and not seem to be distracted as I was looking at that flock of old people. One of the hoarding caught my attention and it read, “I am just like your mother, will you not wish me for mother’s day?”

I thought it was some kind of fund raising events for mother’s day till I read the next hoarding. They all were standing below their so called home called “St. Patrick’s Senior Living Center” (Read: Old Age Home). The second hoarding read “Adopt me, I will be like your father”, third read “Am I that bad to be abandoned?”, fourth read, “Can you be my child to me?” and probably a 12 more hoardings like that. Being an emotional enough person, I felt purblind for a while. The ‘Maa’ song from TZP added that little extra effect!

The oldies standing there are in hope of someone who could come and take them away not because the old age home treats them with cruelty but coz’ they could lead a dignified life and prove themselves and to their children that they are not that bad to be abandoned. Some don’t curse their kismet and are patiently waiting for their children to come and see them for mother’s day!

I quickly called up my mom again and felt a million times better when I heard her say, “Enna ma achu?” ?( What happened dear?) and I replied back saying, “Nothing, just felt like talking a bit more!” Amidst my lachrymose feeling, I still had questions in my mind and one of them was, “How could somebody hate their parents so much to abandon them?”

I switch on the repeat mode in my ipod and listen to the “Maa” song again till I drive back home! ~RJ

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38 Comments »

  1. ketki said,

    i have been through this feeling a many time myself..you are a young writer and you make me emotional while i read this..wonderful thought and nicely executed message…like your work

  2. vidhya said,

    Super post… I was too thinking about this father’s day… We all give so much importance to mother’s that we totally forget father’s day… Last year too i missed father’s day… This year i have few surprises for my dad…Since being a father’s girl i want to make this father’s day special for him πŸ™‚

    I thought home ages are only in India.. Really very bad.. I don’t know how they can live without their parents… That too when they need their children’s and grand children with them…
    We can’t change the entire world.. At least we can be more affectionate with our parents and cherish them in their old age πŸ™‚

  3. Blistering Barnacles said,

    touching…really sad to hear that such things happen in the so-called developed countries as well…I have no words to describe whats going thru my mind currently…nice post btw…

  4. Neelam said,

    its emotional raja….this blog has brought tears in my eyes…
    :-(..miss em a lot…

    When i had called up on mother’s day to wish my mom…it happened tht our talks were not ending..and the talk went so long and interesting tht i forgot to wish her..when i said “chal ab rakhu..” my mom said..”aaj mother’s day hai wish nahi karegi” and i felt so bad and tears started rolling my eyes,but i controlled as i dnt want tears in her eyes on such a spl day.I said i am very sorry, i had called for tht purpose but we were so busy talking tht i forgot..and then I wished her..
    :-)…I cannot explain to you the smile tht came on her face…i could sense it from here over the phone..

    We understand the importance of our parents when we are away from ’em…this is the fact…when we are near to ’em we take ’em for granted…

    Good tht u have written this blog..whoever reads this will remember their parents and will definately call ’em and express their love towards ’em…

    I am going to do this now..

    Till then bbye…cya…take care..

  5. Neelam said,

    and yeah will not be repeating this mistake on Father’s day..am gonna wish him first and then will start my talks.. :-D..

  6. Anonymous said,

    nice post, dude

  7. bhavna said,

    Awesome..super…
    It was soo emotional and touching.As i was reading the post i could picture the events happening.
    About Old-age homes.I really feel sad for them.How can they abandon their parents like that?Its so hurting to see old people who dont have a shoulder to depend on.Can there be any laws which can monitor such kins?or are there?

    About mother’s day.Usually, i give something hand-made to my mom.i try writing poems,make a book on her.collage of her photograph.etc etc.father’s day..have to think about it.Try giving something hand-made..they will love it (no matter how bad it is :p).

    Once again,awesome post.Has great depth and meaning to it.

  8. Sakhi said,

    Touching!

    * “How could I hate their parents so much to abandon them?”* Ithink it should be “how can somebody hate parents so much to abandon them?”

    Just a little proof reading… πŸ™‚

  9. Reema said,

    Yup some proof reading required. Its not a matter of hating…its their culture in which the child is on his own from 16-17 yrs..a young adult living with his parents is unthinkable…then they dont keep their parents with them..cant think of a joint family..call their in-laws by first names…and the circle goes on..No one wants to sacrifice or compromise & think of old people as burden and thats why they have come up with these special days to remember there parents..whereas Indians/Asians never had such days…but now Indians are following the trend and keeping their parents in old age home n dont visit them even.

  10. RJ said,

    @Ketki – Thanks Ketki for liking my work! I like the word young btw πŸ˜€ πŸ˜›

    @Vids – Yes sure we can be more affectionate than the earlier day! Ths would be the least we could do πŸ™‚

    @Praf – These things are veru evident in the so-called developed countries, the sad part is developing countries adopting them πŸ™‚

    @Neelam – Phew! My post bring tears, is it a good thing or a bad thing? I am planning to be a story writer one day πŸ˜› – I promise will write happy stories πŸ™‚

    @Bhav – Thanks for your super cool comments! I am yet deciding on what to give my dad – he’s doesn’t like expensive gifts from his children πŸ˜›

    There are no laws whatsoever, it’s a very usual thgy here!

    @Anonymous – Thanks dude! πŸ™‚

    @Saks – Thanks for your proof reading! I probably was lost in emotions πŸ˜› (ahem! excuses!)

    @Reems – I ain’t talking about the culture. If it were the culture and people were so cool about it, I wouldn’t have seen those old parents carrying those hoardings! It’s a bit more to it – probably its not okay for them too! Calling them by names and leaving them stranded might be two different areas! I feel sad when our country tries to (or is following it) follow it!

  11. Deval said,

    Very emotional blog fr me…. well raja Indians are very emotional n boneded…whereas in US ppl r brought up a diff way…they lead a v materialistic life…even the ppl who hav wriiten those hoardings might have done the same thing to their parents… as parents themselves expect their kids to get on with their life by themselves after 18… Thank God India has not yet been westernised to tht extent yet…

  12. Chaitanya said,

    Nice post Raj. Touching but not preachy.
    I always believed in loving your parents everyday and not pick a day in the year. But its good to convey your feelings occassionaly.

    @Bhavna & Raj – There are laws in India now that you cannot ill-treat/abandon your parent, but iam sure the implementation will be the same as anti-dowry or any other such laws.
    More than the laws, its the awareness that brings the change.

    @blistering barnacles – Yes, developed countries are also inhabited by humans and are faced by similar (if not same) problems as developing countries. Just as others have myths about India being a land of snake charmers and elephants, we also have myths about developed countries … i.e unless you visit one of them.

    Iam friends with couple of old ladies myself and have seen that they like to live independently, like to be loved & cared, like their privacy and their biggest fear is .. being dependent on their kids someday. Their kids live close enough to visit them everyday so as to protect their interests and privacy.

    @reema – They (US & West) have been this way for as long as they can remember .. i.e young adult not staying with parents and parents not staying with kids. I know many people who are waiting for their kids to go to college so that they themselves can have a life of their own besides running behind the kids. That’s bcoz here they really “spend time” and take care of their kids till they go to college, unlike we …where we think enrolling in a good school is all that’s required of us as a parent.

    One of the old ladies i was referring above doesn’t miss a single game (baseball/basketball) of her grandson, but doesn’t do a sleepover at her daughter’s place as well. Its a complex situation.

    I remember Shahrukh Khan’s dialog from Swades where he says that its wrong to say only we have culture and tradition & they don’t. They have their own.
    Its a long debate in itself and requires more space than a comment box ..;-)

    The west experimented a lot with many things, one of them being the family structure ….. and boy, what did they finally realise .. that the asian way of living is good.
    But the sad part is … while the west is appreciating us, we are aping the west and trying to repeat the same mistakes. Sometimes, its good to learn from others’ mistakes as well …. No point in reinventing the wheel.

    hmm …. didn’t realise the comment became bigger than the blog .. πŸ˜‰ .. couldn’t help myself as the topic was such.
    Next time will stick to a simple “Nice post.”

  13. Reema said,

    @Chaitanya liked ur comment on my comment..somehow u started with debate but ended up saying what I said πŸ™‚ thx for agreeing πŸ˜› πŸ™‚

  14. Sakhi said,

    Now you know whom to turn to next time you need any help in proof reading! πŸ˜› πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    j/k, keep up the good work

  15. RJ said,

    @Chait & Reems – I am not debating with the thought that what the west is doing is not right! There’s no right or wrong – it was just my feeling, perhaps being an emo person that I felt bad seeing at them like that.

    I called up my mom and felt good about it and I like being this way. πŸ™‚ (not necessarily everybody should or would follow this!)

  16. moregyan4u said,

    this post is too emotional for me to handle …

    dads are always silent supporters ,they are not openly affectionate like mothers but they always stand by us,i have observed this most of the times πŸ™‚

    and maa is a lovely track !

  17. kurt said,

    #RJ
    nice post mate…

    am really happy tht there are places like “St. Patrick’s Senior Living Center”, who take care of seniors. If it was not for these institutions, where would they go?? wht will they do??

    Someday, i hope i’ll be able to make atleast one more Maa/ Dad happy by donating my time &/fund to these trusts…

    Pray for me tht i start earning more & have 28 hrs in a day πŸ™‚

    njoi,
    Kurt

  18. worldthrumyeyes said,

    Lovely πŸ™‚

  19. Sandeep said,

    awww.. too emotional..
    i guess you are missing your mom too much..

    I suggest you not to watch Swades, for you’d otherwise be flying down here soon πŸ™‚

    Good ’emotional’ post..
    and for being happy, don’t think too much πŸ™‚

  20. Sandeep said,

    And i second the thoughs of Chaitanya and Reema.
    Totally agree with their comments!

  21. pricelessjunk said,

    Really nice post. Made me go thinking, really !!

    I really want to say so many things to my parents. But I always keep it in.

    I cannot handle the ‘maa’ soundtrack !! 😦

  22. Bhavana said,

    Mama’s boy πŸ™‚

    Even i cant handle ‘maa’ track…Its tooo emotional

  23. RJ said,

    @Deval – You think India is not yet that westernised? I don’t think so. One of my friends here (lived here for more than 13 years) once made a statement and it actually made me think, she said , “I was in Blore recently and I must say I was more Indian than the girls there!”

    So its upto you to decide.

    @Megs – Hmm, I see you are talking abt dad and mom, I was talking abt the adopting thgy πŸ˜€ πŸ˜› (I am suspecting you don’t read my post now-a-days :D)

    @Kurt – It’s not that you dont have time – you jut have to make your mind buddy πŸ™‚

    @World – Thanks for visiting!!

    @San – awww again! πŸ˜€ I hv watched Swades a million times and its a lovely movie. Swades would not be the reason for me to come back πŸ™‚ I agree with Chait n Reems comments too!

    @Pri – When you feel like saying it – say it! It will make you feel on top of the world.

    @Bhav – Yay! Mama’s boy – I like it that way πŸ™‚

  24. Sandeep R said,

    yup me too like Swades.. it makes me feel not so bad in living in here! πŸ˜€

  25. RJ said,

    @San – What was your reason of going back? Swades? the startup?

  26. Meghana said,

    what !

    i looked at it from tat perspective,i know it was about am old age home ! but u r accusing me 😦

  27. moregyan4u said,

    what !

    i looked at it from tat perspective,i know it was about am old age home ! but u r accusing me 😦

  28. moregyan4u said,

    began with an old age home ,then thought bout father’s day

  29. RJ said,

    @Megs – πŸ™‚ Yea I thought shes just talking about something not wriiten in the post πŸ˜€ πŸ˜›

    j/k are you still studying?

  30. Sandeep said,

    i never was in there..
    been here all the while..

  31. RJ said,

    @San – Dude, I thought I read one of your posts abt US and making you lonely! Dont remm now :0

  32. gauri said,

    Hey dude! as always, a really really good nd touching post.

    We should be thankful that we’ve been brought up in such a culture wherein we r taught to respect our parents.

    People who leave their parents and disrespect them, forget, that they too could be in the same place some day.

  33. RJ said,

    @Gauri – Thanks! Its always nice to hear people have similar thoughts like yours – coz then I feel I ain’t asking for more or I ain’t asking anything different!

    πŸ™‚ keep visiting and keep smiling!

  34. Sandeep said,

    my post.. hmm ya

  35. Scorpria said,

    Hi RJ…nice blog yu got here…

    and this post…Super touching !!
    guess the best thing tu du is think every other day is a mother’s + father’s day πŸ™‚

    that’s wht i do….coz i cant stand separation frm them–and tht’s wt i’ve been doing fr th past yr!! and my talks go on fr an hour at least every day tht i’ve given a ‘double-my-salary-please” requisition tu ma boss πŸ˜€

  36. RJ said,

    @Scorpria – Thanks a million bunch! You dont live with them coz of job? Bad yaar! I hope you get the figures you want πŸ˜›

  37. smallstar said,

    Great post, dear. I’m so thouched ’cause your love for your parents. πŸ™‚

    *HUGS*

  38. RJ said,

    @Smallstar – Thanks! πŸ™‚


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